purpleshehulk:

animalstalkinginallcaps:

WOW, AND HERE I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU CONSIDERED ME A LOVING COMPANION AND OCCASIONAL CONFIDANTE, A FELLOW TRAVELER ON THE ROAD OF LIFE WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE SOMEWHAT SHORTER THAN YOU. 

IT’S GOOD TO HEAR I’M JUST “AN AWESOME WAY TO PICK UP CHICKS.”

NEXT WOMAN THAT PETS ME IS GETTING BIT, JUST SO YOU KNOW. I’M ABOUT TO BE A LOT LESS “ADORABLE” AND A LOT MORE “20 POUNDS OF COCKBLOCK THAT SHITS IN THE KITCHEN.”