when you pull your headphones out of your pocket and out comes your keys, money, tampons and russia
ok i’ve had so many people asking me why i, a boy, would have tampons in my pocket, but not a single person asking me why i, a boy, would have THE ACTUAL NATION OF RUSSIA IN MY POCKET
Everyone knows that Putin made a travel sized Russia
Russian accent:Ah yes I make perfect country to Putin your pocket
john mulaney looked so stunned to win the emmy because now his immortal life is recorded in history, so 100 years from now when a historian asks him why he looks so much like that emmy award-winning comedian, he’s going to have to throw his money clip in order to distract them